


Operation: Get Sephiroth and Cloud to fucc

by Dragon_boi



Category: Final Fantasy VII
Genre: AU, Humor, I'm so sorry, M/M, Sexual Humor, chatfic, commission, groupchat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-22
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23778298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragon_boi/pseuds/Dragon_boi
Summary: Zack tries his hand at getting his two friends together. It doesn’t exactly go as planned.A commission for my dear friend Chowder.
Relationships: Sephiroth/Cloud Strife
Comments: 9
Kudos: 109





	Operation: Get Sephiroth and Cloud to fucc

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Chowder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chowder/gifts).



> I have never played FF7. All the characters are based off what I've seen in the fandom and what my friends have told me. Again, I'm sorry.

_ Cloud sent a message to Sephiroth _   
  


**Cloud:** Hey!

**Sephiroth:** Wow, well isn’t this is a surprise. You’ve never been the one to initiate the conversation.

**Sephiroth:** In fact, this is the first time you've ever privately messaged me.

**Cloud:** Oh

**Cloud:** It's just I have something important to tell you dude

**Sephiroth:** "Dude"? This is a very strange mood you are in. 

**Cloud:** It's because I'm nervous I guess I'm not thinking straight

**Sephiroth:** And you are being honest with your feelings around me? This is truly a surprise. I wonder what's gotten into you Cloud.

**Cloud:** I hate you. Die in a fire.

**Sephiroth:** Ah, now there's the Cloud I know. 

**Sephiroth:** So, what is this important thing you needed to tell me? I have to admit, you've peaked my interest.

**Cloud:** Um well this is hard for me to say but I think I'm attracted to you.

**Sephiroth:** Oh?

**Cloud** : Yeah I think your hair is so beautiful luscious and long I just want to sniff it.

**Sephiroth:** Okay.

**Cloud:** I love your figure your ass is out of this world your boobs are so succulent like a bee I just want to slurp on your flowers until that sweet sweet nectar comes out.

**Sephiroth:** Okay. 

**Cloud** : Um so yeah. I think you are hot.

**Sephiroth:** I'm guessing you are expecting a response from me. I should give you one since you've been so...brave to confess. Though, honestly, I do not know how. I never expected you to be this forward. 

**Cloud:** You could respond by emailing me a pic of your gorgeous naked body.

**Sephiroth:** Excuse me. Are you asking for a nude?

**Cloud:** Maybe ;)

**Sephiroth:** This really isn't like you at all. I have a lot to digest. Please give me time to sit on this information.

**Cloud:** No problem!

  
  


_ PuppyDog sent a message to Operation: Get Sephiroth and Cloud to fucc so they can stop being pent-up grumpy bitches _

**PuppyDog:** I think I fucked up

**Abs:** Oh did you now mister "I'm the master of seduction"? 

**PuppyDog:** yeah :/

**FlowerGirl420:** What happened?

**PuppyDog:** Apparently I was so good with my flirting that Sephiroth suspects that I'm not Cloud

**FlowerGirl420:** You know, we really should have thought about that.

**Abs:** I did! I told Zack like 5 times that he needed to act like Cloud!

**PuppyDog:** i wasn't listening

**Abs:** Ugh

**Flowergirl420:** It's okay Tifa honey, you tried your best.

**Abs:** Thanks love :)

**Elena:** Um, sorry to interrupt but, I'm not entirely sure why you invited the Turks to this group chat?

**Elena:** Aren't we enemies?

**Flowergirl420:** This is more important than our rivalry.

**Elena:** We've tried to kill you guys?

**PuppyDog:** you do not understand how badky those two need to fuck

**Abs:** I hate Sephiroth as much as the next guy but, those two need to hate fuck so badly.

**Abs:** I'm afraid the sexual tension between those two will eventually build up so much it'll cause a nuclear explosion.

**Elena:** Um, and this constitutes a peace pact between us?

**Good little slut <3:** yes it does listen to them elena This is important.

**Elena:** Well, alright

**Good little slut <3: ** honestly those two are driving me Crazy

**Good little slut <3** : whenever I get Horny I just go out and Fuck

**Elena** : I know Reno

**Good little slut <3:** I would never be able to get to the point those boys are at

**Good little slut <3: ** The second I feel the need to fuck I fuck noo building-up bullshit.

**Elena:** I know Reno

**Good little slut <3:** Hell the first time I had sexual thoughts about Rude I didn't hesitate for a second I showed him my hole immediately

**Rude:** We know Reno, we were all there.

**Abs** : We were literally all there, it was in the middle of a fight dude…

**Good little slut <3:** Yes exactly! I don't know what these morons are waiting for

**Flowergirl420:** Unfortunately, this is what happens when two extremely emotionally repressed people want to have sex

**Abs:** Both are too stubborn to be the first one to give in and put down their "I hate you" facade

**PuppyDog:** Man this is seriously like perry the platypus and dr doofenshmirtz

**Abs:** I'm begging you to shut the fuck up

**PuppyDog:** I thought I was being poetic…

**Good little slut <3: ** Pffffft see this is why you guys should have let me be the fake Cloud

**Flowergirl420:** You would have somehow fucked it up even worse than Zack did

**Good little slut <3:** Ouch

**Rude:** Is this plan ruined then?

**Abs:** I don't know we'll have to see

**Abs:** But I'm going to guess yes

**Elena:** That's unfortunate...I think? 

**Elena:** What are you going to do now?

**Flowergirl420:** Don't worry, we have 15 more back up plans

**Elena:** Wow! This really means a lot to you guys

**Abs:** It really really does

**PuppyDog:** Don't worry guys I'm sure our next attempt will be a success! :D

**Abs:** We've excluded you from the remaining 15 plans

**PuppyDog:** D:

  
  


_ Cloud sent a message to Sephiroth _

**Cloud:** What scheme are you trying to pull?

**Sephiroth:** Well hello to you too. 

**Cloud:** I'm not going to play games with you, tell me what you are trying to do. NOW.

**Sephiroth:** Well, aren't you being a little aggressive. What's wrong Cloud?

**Cloud:** You want me to say it out loud?

**Sephiroth:** Hm? What's that?

**Cloud:** I don't know what you were trying to pull by sending me a picture of your naked body but whatever it is, you aren't going to win.

**Sephiroth:** Is this supposed to be a joke? You asked me directly for them. 

**Cloud:** Nice try, but I'm used to your stupid, little tricks.

**Cloud:** If you don't tell me what your plan is right now, then I'm leaving.

**Sephiroth:** This a drastically different change from this afternoon. What is wrong with you? I don't find this kind of role-playing appealing, you know.

**Cloud:** Fuck off Sephiroth

**Sephiroth:** Hm, you are really going to play this game? 

**Sephiroth:** It's okay, you know, to love me. I'll admit I've always found you to be quite...special.

**Cloud:** Seriously, be quiet. I don't want to hear any more of your tricks. 

**Sephiroth:** Oh is that so? 

**Sephiroth:** Screenshot.jpeg

**Sephiroth:** Then what was this all about?

**Cloud:** Are you being serious? 

**Sephiroth:** Very much so.

**Cloud:** That's Zack's account, he just changed his username to Cloud.

**Sephiroth:** What do you mean?

**Cloud:** You can tell because the profile picture is different than mine.

**Sephiroth:** Oh, I see. Well, I've never gotten the hang of these new technologies.

**Cloud:** _You can not send messages to this user_

_ User Sephiroth has you blocked _

  
  


_ Meanwhile in Cloud's computer… _

>Open message from  [ Mamasboy@shinra ](mailto:Mamasboy@gmail.com)

>Open attachment

>Save image

>Image 'for later' was moved to 'Sephiroth' folder

  
  
  



End file.
